Welcome and Let's Try Tinder

 

Hi.

Welcome to my first blog post. To be honest, after my last relationship with my baby mama, the only other relationship working in my life is between me and procrastination. I wonder why I never miss it when it comes to flirting with a girl in a serious and stable relationships yet getting it wrong in my own relationships. It is so weird how some people are wired. Why would I want to date someone who is already dating? You may ask. And Otile Brown will tell you, "Saa zingine anayekupenda humpendi/unapenda mwingine/anayependa mwingine hata asiyempendaga."

And no, I do not have  a baby mama. Ile siku ntapata jiko/gas/stove, you will be the first people to receive the news. In the meantime, let us stay Taliban (this Taliban is somewhere in my mind rent free and it won't go away. Look, if you are reading this in 2027, stay Taliban means never eat omena when going on a date).

Enough foreplay.

I am not a funny person. In fact, the only closest joke I ever made was giving a woman a 34 seconds, on top of the world, classic performance. I was made a laughing stock at some hostel pale KMTC Karen. But I loved that chile bwana. It is just unfortunate that some natural and biological features do not allow for a tour hour performance as many would want. If it were a sin, I would have asked for forgiveness. I am just happy I made her and her miserable, sleep deprived, dryspelled friends happy. Niliwaongezea masiku!

But now, let us not dwell on the past. Let us focus on growing this blog together. Me and you. And your ex if he or she loves reading. Do not mind grammar and a few sheng words thrown here and there. It is how I love it. We will write and read. Experience. Love. Laugh. Cry. Together. We will create something for the next generation.

Are you on Tinder? Well I was hoping you could be my control experiment. I have always wanted to create a profile there just for the sake of it. And while this is not Tinder, I hope every time you get my notification you will always love the stories I share.

Just like Tinder has different kinds of people, this blog will have all kinds of experiences. Experiences because every tiny detail I observe has a story. I am not overly descriptive because I lack that thing in me. I wanted to join the FBI Academy in Quantico to explore my investigative and negotiation skills but I wasn't allowed because apparently the shape of my Head is not desirable and does not fit the features they are looking in a detective. So I was left with poor negotiation skills whose stronghold is only shown when procrastinating. Such a disrespect!

Allow me open a tinder profile. I might land a wimin there who I shall settle down with. Or give her a world class character development. You never know.